


A Beautiful Mystery

by thegizka



Series: Shikamaru Week 2019 [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Brothers, Family Fluff, Father-Son Relationship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-09 02:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17398736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegizka/pseuds/thegizka
Summary: Gaara asks his brother-in-law an unexpected question.Written for Shikamaru Week 2019 Day 5:  Father.





	A Beautiful Mystery

Summer was settling over Konoha softly, the freshness of spring leaking into June and keeping the temperatures mild.  Shikamaru enjoyed this weather, though his wife preferred a little more warmth. She had dragged Shikadai and Kankuro out for some shopping, claiming their son was already outgrowing the clothes they bought last year and demanding the advice of her brother when choosing new ones.  Not that Shikadai was likely to wear anything Kankuro picked out for him. He was still young, but he was already forming opinions and voicing them. He wasn’t afraid to complain when he thought something was a drag, much to Temari’s annoyance.

 

Shikamaru was enjoying the momentary peace.  He loved his in-laws, but their visits always included an increase in teasing and friendly bickering.  It was their love language, and spending months apart meant they had a lot of love to throw at each other whenever they saw each other.  Shikamaru had learned how to hold his own against them, but he also enjoyed simple, quiet relaxation. He currently had the house to himself, his youngest brother-in-law having left early this morning.  His Kazekage robe and hat remained in the guest room, so he was probably making social calls.

 

Shikamaru had sprawled out on the porch, letting the soft wind brush over him while he pretended to doze off.  His mind was wandering to any number of thoughts, things like policies he needed to review for the Hokage, missions his friends were on, the fact that he needed a haircut, and wondering whether Shikadai was old enough to learn shogi.  He nearly didn’t notice someone approaching until he or she sat quietly beside him. Cracking open an eye, he saw Gaara looking out into the yard, a serene expression on his face.

 

“A good morning?” he asked, closing his eye again.  His brother-in-law hummed agreement.

 

“Do anything fun?”

 

“Sparring with Lee.”

 

Shikamaru blinked and looked at him curiously.  “You still spar with people?”

 

Gaara gave him a blank expression.  “I’m a shinobi. Of course I spar with people.”

 

“Yeah, stupid question,” he muttered.  Still, there was something strange in thinking of the Kazekage sparring for fun.  Lee didn’t hold back, and he was one of the only ninja Shikamaru could think of who might actually push Gaara to go all out.  He nearly wished he had been there to watch the match.

 

“Metal was there, too.”

 

“Did he join in the sparring?”

 

“No.  The fight was a little too intense.”  He grinned. “Besides,” he continued, face falling back to its stoic mask, “Metal seems uncomfortable around me.”

 

“You  _ are _ the Kazekage.”

 

“I am also Lee’s friend.”

 

Shikamaru studied his brother-in-law curiously.  He seemed troubled, nearly sad. After years of being judged by others and mistrusted by his own village, it was surprising to see him hurt so easily by a child’s discomfort.

 

“I wouldn’t take it personally,” Shikamaru suggested.  “From what I understand, Metal is shy around everyone except his parents.  It just takes time for him to warm up to people.”

 

Gaara hummed but said nothing more, his thoughts churning.  Shikamaru let him think, knowing he was processing this new information and reconfiguring his impressions.  He appreciated his brother-in-law’s thoughtfulness and wisdom. It was one of the things that made him a great Kazekage.

 

“Shikamaru,” Gaara said carefully, “how do you be a father?”

 

“What?”  He sat up, confused by the question, not sure what exactly he was getting at.  “You do know how babies are made, right?”

 

Gaara rolled his eyes.  Shikamaru was relieved he wouldn’t need to have that conversation with him.  Temari and her brothers had had a complicated childhood, and sometimes they didn’t understand things he took to be common knowledge.  It was both beautiful and sad to see his wife rediscovering what childhood should be while raising their son.

 

“I don’t think I understand the question,” he admitted.

 

Gaara sighed.  “There’s a boy in Suna.  I’d like to adopt him.”

 

“Really?”  Shikamaru was caught by surprise.  Neither of Temari’s brothers had ever indicated they were interested in becoming parents.

 

“He reminds me of me when I was younger,” his brother-in-law admitted.  “I’d like to help him.”

 

“And you think adopting him is the best way to do that?”

 

Gaara got quiet for a moment, collecting his thoughts.  “I know what it’s like to be angry and lonely, to be scared of the world and of myself.  It’s dark and miserable. After a while you stop believing anyone cares about you, and you become unable to see the people who do.”

 

Shikamaru looked away from him.  The sadness of their childhood clung to them still.  He had found Temari crying about it on several occasions, frustrated by what she and her brothers had been through and how helpless she had been to protect them.  He saw it haunting her sometimes in quiet moments with Shikadai, the fear that she would somehow fail as a mother because the adults when she was younger had failed her.  It was heartbreaking because she was wonderful with their son. Even after enduring so much pain, she and her brothers were still instinctually brimming with love.

 

“I want to save him from that,” Gaara murmured, and Shikamaru understood that he felt exactly like Temari did, wounded and ashamed and desperate to keep another child from experiencing the same isolation.  “So how do you do it?” He looked at his brother-in-law with the same intensity with which he faced down an opponent. “How do you be a father?”

 

Shikamaru let out a long breath.  How could he even begin to answer that question?

 

“I don’t know,” he said, but it wasn’t a throwaway line or dismissal.  It was a simple truth. “You can read all sorts of books and ask the wisest people, but the truth is nothing ever really prepares you to be a father.  You never know what to expect other than a little bit of everything. One moment you’ll be so proud of your child that you’re learning to fall in love all over again, and the next he’ll break your heart.  It’s bothersome but also the one thing you want to dedicate your whole being to. I’m still learning new things everyday about Shikadai. Everyone says we’re similar, but often I can’t figure out how he thinks.  He’s a bundle of conundrums, a beautiful, eternal puzzle that I have to somehow protect and lead until it’s his turn to make the decisions. And I never know how to do it until I’m in the thick of it. It’s like when something unexpected happens in battle and suddenly your whole plan is irrelevant and you have to think of something on the spot.  You simply figure it out as you go along.”

 

Gaara looked troubled.  Obviously he had been hoping for some sort of concrete advice.  He more than his siblings had been deprived of any positive adult influence in his youth.  His desire to be something of a father to a boy he barely knew was terrifyingly courageous given his experience.

 

“But…”

 

Shikamaru placed a hand on his brother-in-law’s shoulder, asking him to wait.

 

“You’ll be a good father, Gaara.  You’ve already proven it.” He grinned as the Kazekage’s eyes widened in bewilderment.  “The only thing you need is the desire for your child to have a better future. In every parenting decision, you have to choose what would be best for them, no matter how difficult it will be.  You want this boy to have a better life than you did, and that’s going to make you a good father.”

 

“That seems too easy and yet impossibly difficult,” Gaara murmured.  He was still ponderous, but much of the previous anxiety had left his face.

 

“It’s definitely not for the faint of heart,” Shikamaru agreed, laying down again.  “But it’s well worth the rewards.”

 

Silence settled upon them again as their thoughts wandered, content to enjoy the breeze in quiet companionship.  This talk of fatherhood made him think of Shikadai and the wonder that was watching him grow up. Everything he had said was true.  Raising a child was a beautiful mystery. Shikadai was at once a combination of so many people--Temari, her brothers, Shikamaru, Shikaku and Yoshino--and yet wholly unique.  He was teaching them to rediscover the world. He was teaching his father to be a better man.

 

“Shikamaru,” Gaara said, gently breaking into his thoughts, “for the record, I believe you are a good father.”

 

He glanced at him.  “Thanks.”

 

His brother-in-law smiled softly, and they returned to watching the clouds together in comfortable silence.


End file.
